


Traitor

by Autumn_Froste



Category: Black Widow (Comics), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gen, Hulk isn't a complete idiot, Injury, Language!, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Vaginal Sex, descriptions of violence, roughish sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 18:59:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5881960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Autumn_Froste/pseuds/Autumn_Froste
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Bullshit! Just… No way in Hell!” Clint was practically screeching. “All of her secrets are on the net. What hasn't been uploaded, I know about. Hell, after all the deprogramming, I don’t think she remembers everything!” Clint rambled while rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. Natasha had been missing for over a month and they were weighing every option, and he did not like Tony’s last suggestion; it turned his stomach. After everything Natasha had worked for, she couldn’t have been a HYDRA agent all this time...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Traitor

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to HarnGin and to E.A. Hendrix for their wonderful help during this beast of fic. I'm now saying there, I'm done, until I come across a typo, which I hope you'll let me know about and I can fix.
> 
> Comments are appreciated. Thanks for reading. :D

Fifteen Days Ago 

 

“Bullshit! Just… No way in Hell!” Clint was practically screeching. “All of her secrets are on the net. What hasn't been uploaded, I know about. Hell, after all the deprogramming, I don’t think she remembers everything!” Clint rambled while rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. Natasha had been missing for over a month and they were weighing every option, and he did _not_ like Tony’s last suggestion; it turned his stomach. After everything Natasha had worked for, she couldn’t have been a HYDRA agent all this time.

Steve was quieter than usual during the whole affair. His jaw set firm, he looked like he was ready to punch something.

“I don’t want to believe it but look at the evidence, Clint.” Bruce said, unable to look Clint in the eye. Over the last year Bruce and Natasha had become close friends. They found they had a lot in common. They liked many of the same authors. They took long walks in the park together. They did yoga together most mornings. Nat even befriended the “Other Guy”. The longer the search for Tasha went on the more he niggled in the back of Bruce’s brain. Bruce thought the Big Guy was upset at losing his friend and honestly so was Bruce, but now, he had started to wonder if it was more than that.  

Tony paced the room back and forth, rubbing the back of his neck, “What am I gonna tell Pepper?”

 

Present Day 

 

The elevator doors opened and out walked Steve, Pepper, Director Coulson and Nick Fury.

Steve cast a stern glare across the room, “Gentlemen, we have a problem.”

 

Eight Months Earlier 

 

“Nat! Get back here! Imma gonna beat your ass,” Tony squealed at the top of his lungs.

“You have to catch me first!” She ran around the bar in the kitchen, waited for her chance, then leapfrogged over Tony who in turn chased her into the living room.

“Oh no, what did she do now,” Pepper asked, looking only slightly concerned and smirking into her untouched coffee.

“She got the last cup of coffee. I swear, her mouth must be made out of iron to drink it like that,” Steve responded. He turned to Clint, “Then again, you can drink it straight from the pot, at least she poured it in a cup.”

“It’s not like we can’t make more,” Bruce said, into his eggs.

“When do you think he’s gonna catch on that she’s making him exercise,” Clint asked.

“Is that what she’s doing,” Bruce asked smiling. He looked up suddenly from his coffee, “Wait! Is that why we go on walks?”

“You walk, ‘cause she likes you and you need to get out of the lab. She puts Tony through short bursts of Hell because he needs the exercise outside the suit… And she finds it amusing. She used to do the same thing to me until I stopped holding back when we were sparring.”

Steve smiled, “I take it you lost your temper.”

“That’s putting it mildly. She tried everything under the sun for three solid months. She finally just said the wrong thing at the wrong time and… Well, that was the last straw, so I actually got angry, really angry. I think I literally saw red. I found out later Phil told her to go ahead and piss me off. We were gonna be partners and she needed to know that she could fully trust me. She said she couldn’t trust someone until she knew how they ticked. Besides, she’d already taken such a big chance trusting me to get her away from the Red Room… I don’t know, I guess she kinda felt short changed. ”

“So, what happened,” asked Bruce.

“She blocked everything I threw. I never laid a finger on her and of course that just pissed me off even more. So then I discovered, she’d been holding back against me, too.” Clint smiled and laughed a little. “She was tired of trying not to hurt me and I needed to,” Clint changed to a Russian accent, “act like hawk and not like squab.” He went back to his normal voice. “She said a squab is something you eat, a hawk is something to be marveled. It is as beautiful as it is deadly. We’ve come a long way since then.” He smiled wistfully and then they heard a crash. Tony screamed something unintelligible. Everyone leaned toward the doorway, but they couldn’t really see anything.

“It hurts _me_ to watch you two spar. I don’t know how you don’t hurt each other more.” Pepper shivered.

“Natasha’s been teaching you how to fight, how do you not hurt each other?” Steve asked.

“She doesn’t let me.”

“Exactly. Try getting the upper hand and keeping it with her. Cap’ll tell you. It’s harder than it looks,” Clint said.

Pepper walked to the doorway of the living room, “Can you even hear Nat moving?” Occasionally, you could still hear Tony and Nat taunting with name calling, you could clearly hear Tony walk or knock something over whereas Nat was silent.

“It’s how she was trained. It doesn’t matter how quiet we try to be, we’ll never be as quiet as she is. It’s kind of a deadly tossup. For her to be as good as she is, they really screwed her up.” Clint looked into his coffee sadly.

“Goddamnityouredheadedrussianwoman!” Tony shrieked from down the hall. Natasha walked gracefully into the door of the kitchen and slid in front of the refrigerator out of his line of sight. As Tony walked in, she kicked his feet out from under him quickly and effectively pinning him to the floor.

“Uncle,” she quipped.

“No, comrade… OW!” She pinched his ribs.

“Don’t call her ‘Comrade,’" Clint paused in peeling his apple and pointed his knife, "she _really_ doesn’t like it.”

“Maybe you should say please, Tony.” Bruce suggested, laughing a little. Bruce even heard the ‘Other Guy’ snort.

“How in the Hell does hundred pound you keep more than hundred pound me pinned to the floor? I have to outweigh you by at least eighty pounds.”

“If you’d come spar, you could find out. Pepper comes spar and she looks hot while she does it.” Natasha glanced up at Pepper seductively.

“She has a point, Tony.” Pepper dropped on her knees beside Tasha and Tony. “We do get all hot and sweaty together and sometimes we even go off to the shower together.” She ran her fingers over Tony’s face.

“Okay! Uncle!” Natasha loosened her grip enough so Tony could sit up. “You did that just to get me to go spar didn’t you?” Tony sounded exasperated.

“A girl doesn’t kiss and tell.” Pepper leaned over and kissed Nat gently on the lips.

“Well, now I can’t decide if my girlfriend has a girlfriend or if the spy just helped her get me into the gym, but either way at least I get to enjoy the scenery.” Nat reached over and gently slapped him on the face.

 

Present Day 

 

They all gathered around the conference table. Steve held up an envelope with for everyone to see. “This came by messenger service this morning. We traced it back to a HYDRA front. It contained a note and this necklace.” He held up the necklace. It was Nat’s arrow necklace that Clint’s wife Laura had given her when she’d first joined S.H.I.E.L.D. Laura had taken an immediate liking to Nat. She gave her the necklace as a reminder that she always had family with them.

Clint reached across the table and grabbed the necklace as if it was his only lifeline to his best friend. “Is that blood,” he asked rubbing his finger across the arrow.

Phil nodded. “We’ve already checked; it is Natasha’s, Clint.” Clint blanched, Pepper put an arm around Clint’s waist.

“What does the note say,” asked Bruce, who had begun pacing back and forth.

Phil took a deep breath, picked up the note, and read it out loud. It said, “We know the information is false, send the real data or bye-bye spider.” Phil sighed. “Do any of you know what this is about?”

Tony rubbed the back of his neck and now looked less sure of himself than he did earlier, “Maybe.”

Fury had been watching Bruce carefully while this situation had taken place. “Dr. Banner? Are you okay? You’re starting to look a bit green.”

Bruce swallowed uncomfortably and breathed out through his mouth. “I know this sounds odd but the “Other Guy” wants to talk. I think he knows something. I think the lab pod would be best… just in case.”

“Okay Bruce, lead the way.” Steve patted him on the back. They took the elevator down to the lab, most of them pretending to not be uncomfortable with Bruce in the elevator but, he felt like they were. He was fine with it. He preferred it that way. He wished they would have let him just take his own elevator, but they wouldn’t let him. He missed Nat. She would have been okay. After she and Hulk got off on the wrong foot initially, they were fine after that. She even used him in battle. There were pictures and footage of her and Hulk fighting off bad guys with her using him like a spring board while she protected his back. He did what he could to protect her, too. Bruce didn’t always remember what happened but Tony usually had footage of what had transpired and Hulk hadn’t hurt anyone, least of all Nat. After battle he always found her before he turned back into Bruce. He gently hugged her and called her friend. If she was hurt, he found one of the Avengers and brought them to her or took her to them. He smiled on the memory.

“It’d probably be best if you stood back a bit. I’ve tried to explain to him what’s going on, but he may not understand it. Please, bear with us. Clint, Steve, you’re usually pretty good at keeping him calm, see what you can do. NO weapons.” Bruce looked severely at the SHIELD agents. “It’ll just scare him and then he’ll go look for Nat on his own and that may or may not be a good thing.” Bruce sighed, took off his glasses and handed them to Pepper. Then he took off his shirt and pants and stood there in his Stark issued shorts. It didn’t take him long to change from a normal sized guy with premature greying hair to a ten feet tall green man.

Clint took a step towards Hulk, “Hey, Big Guy. Bruce said you wanted to talk?”

“Why no one ask Hulk where Tasha went? Tasha told Hulk she had to go to protect Bruce and the family for a while. Tasha not back yet. Hulk scared.” Hulk looked like he was about to cry. He sat on the floor. Pepper walked over to him and hugged him. Steve rubbed him on the shoulder.

Phil sat on the floor in front of Hulk, “You like Tasha, Hulk?”

Hulk nodded, “She’s nice to Hulk. She doesn’t jump when Hulk moves. We play games. Last fight Tasha said Hulk had to let men take her. She has to protect family. Then she’d get away and come back. Hulk saw her arrow necklace. She’d never give that up. She loves it. Reminds her of family.” Hulk grabbed Clint and hugged him. Clint squeezed him back as hard as he could. Hulk had a tear running down his face.  

 

Six Months Ago 

 

Steve was stretched out in one of the lounge chairs sketching on the rooftop around mid-morning. Nat handed him a ticket to a gallery showing at the Met that night. She plopped down on the lounge chair beside his legs, sipping her coffee.

He glanced up at her, “Thanks, but I don’t really want to go by myself.”

Nat furrowed her eyebrows, “I’m asking if you’d like to be my date.”

“Oh, oh! Um… Yeah, that’d be great!” Steve said enthusiastically, sitting up haphazardly.

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to, it’s okay. I’ll just get Pepper to go with me,” Nat said looking anywhere, but at Steve.

He caught her face in his hand, “Tasha, you just caught me off guard. I would love to go with you. You know I just don’t have a lot of dating experience.” He looked shyly at her. “So please, don’t hold it against me if I really screw something up. I might need a bunch of chances.”

She glanced up at him and grinned, her green eyes meeting his blues, “I think I can manage that.”

Later that night with Steve in a tux and Nat in a long black dress, with a sweetheart neckline and capped sleeves walked confidently through the crowd of people looking at artwork and discussing the merits and flaws.

“So, Handsome, what would you like to do now?” Nat asked while they were swaying on the dance floor set up for the patrons of this special showing. There was a string quartet playing in the background. She had both of her hands tucked behind his neck and his hands were resting gently on the top of her hips, her long hair occasionally tickling his hands.

“Well, Beautiful Lady, what were your dessert plans?”

She raised an eyebrow, “I could think of several things, I’m just not sure how many of those you’d be up for.” She smiled mischievously.

“I’m going to be brutally honest and I’m going to be Steve Rogers and not Captain America. You’re completely gorgeous and I want you in any way you’ll have me. I would love to have you for dessert.” He leaned down and kissed her gently.

Nat raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips teasingly, “How am I supposed to say no to that?”

They made it back to the tower and into Nat’s room. As she turned to put her purse down, Steve slid up behind her and kissed her on her neck right beneath her ear. She leaned back into his body as he kissed down her neck.

“Steve,” she breathed as she put her hand to his cheek.

“Yes?” He grabbed her hand and began kissing down her wrist and up her arm.

“If we don’t take this to the bedroom, we’re not going to get much past my entryway.”

“And would that be such a bad thing,” he asked as he turned her around to look at her, gently pressing her up against the wall.

“A minute ago I would have said yes, but now I’m not so sure.” She smiled impishly up at him, biting her lower lip.

Steve leaned over and kissed her, his tongue running gently over her lip then meeting her tongue.

He ran his hand behind her neck gently pulling her closer to him. She moaned as he felt him harden against her hip.

He pulled back from the kiss and stroked her face, “Yeah, I’ve changed my mind.” Nat slightly twisted her head before feeling him pick her up and bridal carry her to the bedroom. He sat her down gently on her feet next to the bed.

“So what was it exactly you changed your mind about,” she asked his arms still wrapped around her.

“The view.”

“The view,” she looked at him curiously.

“Yeah.” He smiled at her and sat on the bed. He then reached up and threaded his fingers through her hair and pulled her down into his lap, meeting her with a hungry kiss. He wrapped his other arm around her waist and steadied her there. One of her arms wrapped around his body, the other reached for his face, gently stroking his jaw.

She pulled away, breathless, “You know you’ve definitely gotten better at this.”

“Maybe it’s ‘cause I’m not in a mall full of people running for our lives.”

She grinned at him, pulling his tie loose. “Am I your first kiss since the mall?”

“No, though you’re the only one I’ve been actually interested in since then, so…” He grabbed her hand and kissed her fingers, “But I’ve dated, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Really?” She raised her eyebrows. He turned her around in his lap so her back was facing him.

“None of them measured up to you.” He leaned over and nibbled on her neck. “Do you have any idea how amazing you look in that uniform? Or when you jumped off my shield? Or when we spar and you get sweaty and you smell so good? If I ever get you pinned underneath me, I have to be careful so you don’t know how hard I am. It turns me on just thinking about it.” Natasha moaned as he kissed her back as he unzipped her dress.

“You should have said something sooner. I thought I was the only one pining after that kiss.” She twisted in his lap and caught his lips against hers, her eyes sparkled as she looked into his eyes, “You know, it really wasn’t a bad kiss. ” She grinned at him.

“I’m just gonna have to work to do better then.” He pulled her in for another kiss. She pulled his shirt out of his pants and unbuttoned it just as quickly as she could. He began working his way down her neck and to the tops of her breasts. “Nat, as delicious as you look in this dress, I have to get you out of it. I want to kiss every square inch of you.”

“You’ll hear no complaints from me.” she said seductively. Steve stood up and stripped out of his tux as quickly as he could, throwing everything on the chair beside the bed until he got down to his boxers. He helped Nat stand up and he watched as the unzipped dress neatly pooled at her feet leaving her in matching black lacy bra and panties, garters, stockings, and shoes. Steve took a deep breath and got on his knees.

“Tasha, you’re so beautiful.” Natasha leaned over and kissed his forehead, his nose, and then his lips. He smiled at her. “You make me happy, did you know that? Sure you pick, but you’re never mean about it.” She tilted her head sideways and opened her mouth to object. He interrupted, placing his finger across her lips, “Don’t worry, I won’t ruin your Black Widow image.”

“Have you been talking to Clint?”

“No, why?”

“He says the same thing. I don’t see it.”

“Of course you don’t,” he smiled and shook his head. Without another word, he stood up, picked her up, and placed her in the middle of the bed.

“You know, for someone without any experience, you seem to at least have a general idea of what you’re doing.” Nat whispered to him.

“I said I didn’t have a lot of experience, I didn’t say I didn’t have any.”

“Well, at least I don’t have to explain the mechanics.” Nat smiled, her lips pursed.

“Besides, Pepper sat me down and gave me this talk of what to do and what not to presume.”

“She did what?” Nat blinked.

Steve blushed and put his hand on the back of his neck like he did when he was nervous, “Yeah, she even gave me a couple of books a few months back. Honestly, it was very educational.”

Nat took a deep breath. “Did she give you the shovel talk, too?”

“Everyone’s given me the shovel talk at one point or another, including Hulk.”

“Okay, that’s actually kind of funny. You’re gonna have to tell me about it later.” Nat grabbed Steve and pulled him on top of her, kissing him more forcefully than before. He seemed to catch up quickly. He moved her hair out of the way and kissed along her jaw, nipped down her neck and over her shoulder to her clavicle. He sucked a hickey there and kissed further down, moving the strap of her bra out of the way. She leaned up to help him undo her bra which he threw onto the chair with the rest of his clothes. He lightly grabbed her breast licking the area around her areola before sucking on her nipple completely into his mouth.  She arched off the bed moaning. She tangled her hands in his hair, wrapping her legs around his waist. She felt his arousal against the back of her thigh.

Steve had never been more turned on in his life. It wasn’t that he’d had bad experiences in the past, this one was just… better. She responded to every way he touched her. Every time he felt like his cock couldn’t get any harder somehow it managed to. She ran her fingernails over his shoulder as he started kneading both of her breasts and kissing down her flat stomach. He lightly scratched over her ribs and hooked his fingers under her panties and began pulling them off. Tasha almost came unglued.

“Steve,” she gasped, “you’re killing me here.”

He chuckled. “Now, I thought we were going to be patient.”

“That was before I found out how weirdly magical your tongue is.”

“Magical?” He smiled, “Well, let me try a few things then.” He leaned back over and licked and sucked the bottoms of her breasts and over the peaks over her nipples. She moaned as he continued down her ribs and over her hip bones. He made it to the v-shape her legs made, he gently pulled them apart and licked and nibbled on her thighs. He put an arm under her hips and ran his tongue over her clit back and forth.

“Damn it, Steve!” She moaned. “You feel so good.” She grabbed the sheets and twisted them in her fists. “Right there. Fuck! Right there!” She ground against his tongue as he licked up and down, left and right. Her breathing grew heavier and heavier. She knew it wasn’t going to take much to make her come with all the buildup he had been taunting her with. She ran her fingers into his blond hair, gently pulling. Steve slid a finger inside her, then two while endlessly thrusting in and out as he sucked harder on her clit, lightly biting. Her breathing became more rapid as she moaned and pushed herself against his unrelenting tongue. She saw stars right as she came against his mouth.

He kissed her thighs and undid her garter belt, kissing his way down her legs as he slid off her stockings. He kissed his way back up her body. She was still breathing hard by the time he got back up to her lips. She had a small smile pasted across her face.

“You okay, Doll?”

“Steve, I think that was the best orgasm I have ever had.”

“I… Really?”

“You have no idea.” He leaned over and kissed her. “My turn.” She kissed his jaw, down his throat, down his chest and licking over his nipples, his wound his fingers through his hair as his breathing quickened.

“Nat, if you’re gonna do what I think you’re gonna do, I’m not gonna last.”

“There’s always round two,” she smirked.

“Jesus wept. I think it’s you who’s gonna kill me.”

“Let’s hope not.” She kissed and licked her way over his abs down to his boxers, sliding them down his hips and his legs. She grabbed his hard cock, jerked it a few times, he gasped and moaned. “You like that, Handsome?”

“Oh, God, yes!”

“How about this,” she asked as she leaned over and licked the head of his cock. Steve jerked and looked at Nat, his eyes wide open. “Easy, Big Fella. Get Comfy for me. This might take a minute.” She smiled. He looked a little apprehensive, but he moved some pillows around so he could watch her. “You set?” He nodded and licked his lips. “Now, try to stay still for me, okay?” He nodded again.

She licked around his head like a lollipop, licking around and up and down. She then attentively slid down the shaft, further and further until she had deep-throated almost his whole cock, bobbing her head up and down his thick rod. She reached out with her other hand and grabbed and lightly stroked his balls. Steve moaned and grunted obviously having a hard time holding still. Tasha increased the speed, sucking harder and bobbing faster.  

Steve grabbed the sheets and ripped them. He arched his back, “Nat,” he groaned, “Nat!” She increased the suction once more and he was gone. She swallowed his cum.

“Fuck, Nat,” he panted. “That… was amazing,” Steve exclaimed after taking a sucking in a few deep breaths.

“I do what I can.” She was smiling. She laid down beside him on the bed.

“I still want you…” He turned to her and rested his arm over her waist.

“I have to say, that’s a hell of a refractory period you have going there.” Steve was already getting hard again.

“The serum has its advantages.” Steve smiled proudly.

“How bout we test it out? For science sake.”

“Well, if it’s for science…” Steve trailed off smiling. She smirked back at him. He kissed her, lightly biting her bottom lip. He then grabbed her and pulled her against so her back was against his chest. Steve reached down and rubbed her clit, eliciting a groan from her. He slid his finger in her and thrust it in and out a few times, noting that she was still wet from earlier.

“Does sucking cock turn you on?”

“When it’s with the right person.” He stroked her clit harder and faster. It was still sensitive from earlier. He kissed and sucked down from behind her ear down her neck. She moaned as he got a little rougher each time, growing more daring and excited.

“Do you like it rough?” Nat nodded, pushing her ass against his erection. He groaned and bit her shoulder, turning her on even more. She reached behind her and ran her fingers over his body until she got a firm grip, squeezing his ass and pulling him closer to her. Steve grabbed her breast with his other hand, pinching her nipple, moaning as he pinched it harder and rubbed her clit even harder sending her into another orgasm.

“Steve,” Nat exclaimed as she came.

“You ready for me?”

“I was ready six months ago.” Nat replied, turning over and kissing Steve. He gently moved on top of Tasha, positioned himself, and slowly slid into her, both of them groaned with pleasure.

“You feel amazing.” She wrapped her legs around his waist to make him deeper, meeting him thrust for thrust.

“Harder, Steve, I won’t break.” Steve reached down and grabbed her ass, bringing her to him at a slight angle. Nat moaned, pulling him in her faster and harder. She cried out his name and scratched her nails down his back. He grabbed both of her arms and held them above her head with one of his hands while the other explored her body grabbing her breast so he could suck on it as he thrust. She squealed in pleasure, sending her into an orgasm almost immediately.

“Like that, do you?” Steve asked, looking pleased with himself.

“Mmm, yes.” Nat smiled up lasciviously at him.

“I think I’m starting to learn all kinds of things about you.” Steve groaned while he moved slowly into her. He let go of her hands. He reached down and kissed her while thrusting faster. Natasha moaned against his lips. She gripped him tighter with her thighs. He ran his fingers into her hair, kissing her rougher, messier. She ran her nails severely over the back of his neck, down his back and eventually grabbing onto his well-defined ass, digging her nails in, turning Steve on even more so he thrust harder and faster sending Tasha into another orgasm and driving Steve into his.

By the time they were done, they were both panting.

Tasha giggled up at Steve, “I see I’m not the only one who likes it a bit rough.”

He leaned down and kissed her passionately. After leaving her breathless he asked, “How do you feel about round three?”

 

Five Months Ago 

 

“How was I supposed to know that he was going to throw a grenade at us,” Tony looked at the rest of the team who were all climbing in the QuinJet and added, “Well, how?”

Natasha boarded last. Bruce and Clint were sharing looks and then looked at Tasha, even Steve who had gone ahead to the front of the Jet and was checking everything out to get ready for flight had looked back to find out why suddenly everyone was being so quiet. Tasha stepped on board the Jet and got almost to the seats before she hit the floor. Clint and Bruce checked her over quickly.

“Cap, turn the cabin lights down by seventy five percent,” Clint said much quieter than the normal inside voice volume. He looked at Steve and didn’t leave any room for argument. “Tony, that seat over there collapses into a cot. Make it happen. Bruce, help me get her extra gear off. Nat, Sweetheart, Bruce and I are gonna get your extra gear off and then you and I are gonna lay down on the cot, okay? After we all get settled, no one’s gonna say anything they don’t have to. If you have to talk, they can write it on StarkPads, okay?”

Nat signed okay. By this point Tony had figured out how to recline the seat and had found blankets and pillows. He laid a blanket over the cot.

“Nat, you want to take your suit off so maybe we won’t have to jiggle you as much later,” Clint asked.

Nat went ahead and signed yes. She still had her eyes closed but tears were leaking out from the corners. Bruce caught Clint’s eye and signed ‘migraine’. Clint took a deep breath and nodded yes.

As Bruce went to look away, Clint caught his arm, he signed back, ‘details later’. Bruce nodded. Clint and Bruce stripped Nat as gently and quickly as they could till she was just wearing black boy shorts and a tank. Clint took off his tac gear, boots, and anything else he thought that might impede her relaxing on the short trip back to the tower. Steve came back to check on them.

“I’m gonna climb on the cot, hand her to me as quickly and gently as you can. I need her head against my chest. Tony, call Pepper and tell her to call Phil. Tell her to tell him Urgent Program Spider. Hopefully, he’s close by and can bring her something that’ll help. Plus, if Pepper calls, he’ll know it’s urgent. In the meantime, please, please be quiet. Steve, when we get back, if you could help me give her a bath that would be great.”

Clint climbed onto the cot. Steve handed him Nat, and she cuddled up to him as if she were a child afraid of the boogieman. She never opened her eyes, but tears were still steadily rolling from her eyes.

Upon arriving back at the Tower, Clint and Steve decided the easiest way to get Tasha bathed would just be for Steve to climb in the shower with her. He washed her hair, got the soot and dirt off of her skin. Nat spent the whole time not saying a word, but an occasional tear still ran down her face. Steve had rarely ever felt so helpless since the war. It was breaking his heart.

Steve helped Nat to the edge of the shower to Clint, who’d taken a quick shower of his own and come back to Nat’s room in time to take Nat from Steve. Clint toweled her off, put her in pajama pants and a tank top and deposited her in bed. He put an extra blanket on the bed because she never seemed able to get warm when she had one of these headaches. Nat put her hands over her ears and curled up into a tiny ball. Clint grabbed the StarkPad from the nightstand on the side of the bed and IM’ed Pepper. She was waiting to hear back from Phil. It wasn’t abnormal for him to take a few days to hear back though. Clint just hoped Nat could last that long.

Clint had already turned the lights low. He heard the shower turn off which meant Steve was getting out soon. He realized he was going to have to tell them something, but he couldn’t tell them the whole story until Coulson gave the okay. Clint was having an internal struggle about the entire situation. _‘It is a medical situation and it is classified information, so… shit. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Of course, the one person I need to ask, I can’t really ask.’_

Clint sat on the edge of the bed next to Nat’s knees. He moved a piece of hair that was lying over her face to behind her ear. “Nat.” he said quietly. Clint was gently combing his fingers through her hair. She squinted and then opened her eyes. He signed to her about how much info to tell the team, and Nat returned with enough.

Clint spoke quietly, “Enough?”

“Enough to get them by ’til Coulson can tell them the rest that they need to know.” Nat’s normally vibrant green eyes were glistening over with pain, fear, and confusion.

“I’m gonna get you some broth and a Coke. I’m gonna check with Bruce to see if there’s anything that will maybe take the edge off enough so you can sleep, too. Who do you want to stay with you?”

Nat smiled wanly, “I guess who’s ever the least mad when you’re done not being able to tell them things. If they don’t like it, tell them they can take it up with Doctor Fine and it’s classified. Then, tell Tony he can suck an entire box of dicks if he looks that shit up, too. I can still kill him in his sleep; it’ll just be a lot messier right now.”

“Okay, I’ll be back with your stuff as soon as they let me out of the room; try and sleep, okay? You know how I worry.”

Clint grabbed his phone and sent his own text to Coulson. He didn’t care if Phil liked it or not. This was Nat they were talking about, and she needed help now.

 **_Special breed Russian Spider VERY sick. Needs Exotic Vet with Specialized Skills ASAP_ ** **!**

Clint went over to the stove and was making Tasha some chicken broth when he was cornered in the kitchen by the rest of the team plus Pepper. Clint took a deep breath and continued what he was doing.

Steve spoke first, “What did she mean, ‘enough?’”

Clint closed his eyes, took another deep breath, and focused on being calm and quiet. “Okay, guys, first, you all are going to remember to talk very, very quietly. Believe it or not, Nat can hear everything you’re doing and saying. It’s like these headaches triple her hearing ability. It’s ridiculous. Second, Cap, to answer your question, enough meant that, I’m just supposed to tell you enough to tide you over until Coulson gets here, and he can decide how much you need to know. She decides what to tell you and also, it’s classified. So classified that it didn’t get released during the Project: Insight dump. Third, the short of it is that she suffers from severe headaches that are similar to migraines from the many concussions and the very fucked up shit the Red Room did to her. Any other details will have to come from Nat or Phil. I’m sorry. Yes, I do know, and, no, it’s not my place.” Clint was on the receiving end of some serious glares. “Fourth, for some reason, a person and a heartbeat are very soothing to her when she’s suffering like this. It also helps to have someone in the room with her in case she has a seizure or she slips into a different persona. It’s like she forgets who she is for a little while. It’s never anyone dangerous. This is really quite scary to see, and it’s heartbreaking. Usually, the seizure and the amnesia only last for around one or two minutes and then she’s back to normal. It’s been known to occur, though it hasn’t happened recently that we know of. The last time she was going through deprogramming, so I don’t think it’s return is very likely. We’re gonna have to have volunteers to basically snuggle with Nat. As long as what you’re doing doesn’t require movement or sound, you can work on something, read a book, whatever.

 

Clint’s phone went off with the message:

 **Exotic Vet open LATE tmo nite**.

 

He sighed in relief.

Steve asked, “So that’s where we stand?”

Clint nodded, “As of right now.”

Steve smiled meekly at him, “Alright. What can I do to help?”

 

~*~

 

By noon the next day Pepper declared the guys were too loud, namely Tony. Really, it seemed like the guys set Nat’s teeth on edge more than usual, Tony especially. Bruce discovered it was the hum of the ARC reactor, which hurt Tony’s feelings. Even though he usually blustered and verbally sparred with Nat, the two enjoyed a playful friendship that kept him on his toes. He already didn’t like that she was in pain that he couldn’t do anything about. Now, apparently, he was the cause of some of it as well. Pepper got the guys to take Tony to the old Stark Mansion under the guise of doing some things for the Maria Stark Foundation that she hadn’t had time to do, which was not exactly a lie; however, this took all of them away from the Tower, but not so far away that they could not make it back quickly in case something went wrong. They took the QuinJet, and so they were only about fifteen minutes away.

It was Pepper’s turn to baby Nat. Pepper and Nat were lying cuddled up on the couch, Nat’s ear pressed against Pepper’s chest so she could hear her heartbeat. Pepper had a StarkPad in one hand catching up on some reading that she had been trying to do for ages. “Phil’s here,” Nat said so quietly that Pepper almost missed it.

J.A.R.V.I.S. flashed a note up on the pad to say that Coulson had arrived. He directed Coulson to the living room where Nat was lying against Pepper’s chest. Pepper raised her fingers to her lips in a ‘hush’ signal and wrote on the tablet that Clint said this headache had gotten worse and she did not know what else to do. They checked with J.A.R.V.I.S. and with security footage and, as far as they could tell, Nat had not slept in over ninety-six hours. Bruce, Steve and Clint were all taking turns with her. Bruce tried her on several different drugs and drug cocktails, but they all wore off within fifteen- to twenty minutes thanks to her own Russian super-soldier serum. They’d reached the point where they were out of ideas and they could only worry.

Phil held up a case, then took the tablet from Pepper. He wrote that inside the case were directions for Bruce on what to do and when do to do it. He told her the only time he could get her comfortable when she had one of these headaches was when she was lying against his heart.

About that time, Tasha moved her hand and signed at Coulson, who just took a deep breath and went to squat next to the couch. He stroked Tasha’s hair. He signed a few things to Tasha who signed back to him. He signed back. He picked up the tablet and asked Pepper to go get some salty chicken broth and a warm Coke. He took off his jacket, his button up shirt, his watch and his belt. He lay down on the couch where Pepper was, picked Nat up and laid her against his chest. He grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and tucked it around her. He scratched her head with one hand and texted with the other. A few minutes later, Pepper brought back the broth and the Coke, each with a straw. Phil signed to Nat to drink it, and, after a few false starts, she did. Thirty minutes later, they got it all down her. Phil got Pepper to go run Nat a hot bath and told get in it if she thought she needed the help to keep her head above water. He suggested she try to get Nat to wash her hair since that would make her feel better while he would try and get the guys’ home.  

Pepper got Nat bathed, her hair washed, and into pajamas. Then Pepper brushed her hair out for her. Phil ordered a sound deprivation tank with all the bells and whistles to be delivered to the tower ASAP.

While the ladies were getting a bath, Phil took a shower and got into his pajamas, which Nat and Clint had given him for his birthday one year among some other more useful stuff. He knew his Captain America pajamas would make both Nat and Clint smile and they needed it right now.

Meanwhile the guys had gotten back and Phil had threatened them within an inch of their lives if they made one sound that was louder than necessary. Phil had more broth waiting on Nat, who still seemed too cold as far as he was concerned. She ate it and drank the rest of the Coke. Phil then showed Bruce how to correctly give Nat the meds and a flash drive with all the info on it with the deprogramming information and her medical background to see if perhaps they could come up with a better preventative or cure for these headaches. Phil got comfortable on the couch with Nat and then showed Bruce the best place to give her the injection. He let Bruce give it to her while Nat was curled up against his chest. She signed “Thank You” to Bruce and settled closer into Phil’s chest to hear his heartbeat.

“I’m not one to be a jealous boyfriend, but what’s the deal with Nat and Phil,” Steve asked Clint who was looking out one of the massive ceiling to floor windows. They were sitting on the couches next to the windows overlooking the city in a room that Pepper liked to call the quiet room. With no TV or radio, the room had a view of the city and the team members went there when they needed quiet. At one time or another, they had each needed that room, some more than others.

“When I first brought her in and they deprogrammed her, she started getting these headaches and she wouldn’t let anyone around her except for me and Phil. They turned her into a zombie. You saw what she was like on the Jet. After a while they got better and we started to go on missions, every few weeks, she’d get a headache and she’d work through it until the end of the mission. After a while it got to every few months. Most of the time you’d never even know she had one until we were done with the mission. We were taking down a child slavery ring in Nairobi. The mission ran long, almost triple the length we were expecting. She hurt. Phil and I knew it. It’d gotten worse every day for the last two weeks it took for us to set up a cover, make sure everything was in place…” he trailed off. “We asked her about it but she acted like it was nothing.” He guiltily looked at the floor then back up to Steve, Clint shrugged and shook his head, “We had to finish the mission. It was the closest anyone had ever gotten to taking down this sicko. So she did her job. Above and beyond. Got everything we needed and some. When she was doing her part, around him, she looked like a million bucks.” He shrugged, “Don’t know how she did it. On the way back, she fell asleep against Phil. She hadn’t slept in days. I was flying. Anyway, it was a long flight back to the Helicarrier and we stopped by a safehouse to shower and change into more comfy clothes. We were still armed just not in our unis. Besides have you ever not seen Nat armed?” Steve smiled. “With her headaches, she was a little difficult to manage at the time. Anyway, Phil rubbed her neck, scratched her head, whatever he could think of to get her to relax. I think eventually her body just gave up and he got her to fall asleep against his chest. Now it’s almost like a Pavlov’s dog response. He’s almost an instantly calming response to her. I don’t know if it’s just his heartbeat or it’s the combination of how he smells or what, but if she gets one of those headaches and he can make it, he comes. He feels responsible for her. He talked to her into letting S.H.I.E.L.D. deprogram her. They were just going to watch her and see if she could deprogram herself.”

“She didn’t have the headaches until then?”

“She did, but they weren’t so debilitating. She could work through them. Now….” Clint sighed.

“So, he feels responsible?” Steve asked.

Coulson had sneaked in behind them, “Responsible doesn’t even begin to cover how I feel. I could have just let her be and maybe she wouldn’t be suffering like she is.” He looked at them forlornly.

He plopped down on the couch and looked over at Clint, who then guiltily at his feet. If Steve had learned anything today it was that if Clint truly felt bad about something it was that he stared at his feet.

Tony and Pepper followed in behind Phil. Tony handed him his bourbon, “I think you need this more than I do.”

Phil smiled a weak ‘thank you’. He didn’t bother sipping it, he needed it too badly for liquid courage. He rubbed his face and looked guiltily at each one of them, “At the time we needed someone with her skillset in the field. We had a lot of operations that had gone to Hell frankly because SHIELD didn’t train their agents like she had been trained. I pushed her into it. I told her it if she underwent the procedure and it worked, we could get her in the field faster, and it would start putting her ledger in the black. I was completely selfish. This is my fault. She was already breaking through the programming on her own. She’d proven that before we’d even brought her in. He paused and looked at Clint. “It’s getting worse. Much worse. We had to increase the dosage. Again.”

Phil looked around at everyone again, “I gave Bruce all the info we have on her. I really hope there’s something he can come up with. Simmons is going to meet us here in the morning. Between her and Bruce, they have to come up with… with something.” Phil rubbed his eyes. “And you know what the worse thing is? I’ve seen her act like nothing’s wrong through these headaches, not a care in the world. Bruce told me she walked on the jet and just collapsed. They’re getting worse, and I’m afraid something is really wrong..”

 

~*~

Jemma Simmons and Daisy Johnson, sometimes known as Quake, arrived the next morning. They were met by Pepper who showed them the way to the lab where everyone else was already assembled.

 

Ten Years Ago 

 

“Whatever you say, Squab,” Natasha looked at Clint, giving him her version of a grin.

“Just keep it up, and I’m gonna have to kick your ass three ways from Sunday.”

Clint looked at her over his cards. “Go fish.” Nat rolled her eyes and reached for the deck.

“Someone’s at the door. Pretty sure it’s Coulson.”

A knock was heard a moment later before the door opened revealing that it was indeed Phil.

“How the Hell do you do that,” Clint exclaimed.

Nat gave him a half smile. “Can’t let you know all my secrets, can I?”

“No, seriously. How do you do that? I’m good, but you’re making me look like a rank amateur.”

“Listen for the footstep pattern. Everyone walks slightly different. You could tell that he stopped by the light shadow under the door. Also, since he stood there for a minute before knocking, you could tell he was preoccupied with something. The way the shadow moved, I don’t think he was on his cell phone, so I would hazard a guess it’s something he wants to talk to me about, but he doesn’t know how to begin the conversation, so he thinks the best way would be to start with small talk and get comfortable before moving onto what he really wants to talk to me about. I don’t know why you Americans just can’t say what’s on your minds and get it over with instead of dancing horribly around the subject, but there you are. He also probably thinks it’s something that you’re not going to want to hear looking at his body language and tiny tics in his facial expressions. He’s actually pretty good about being nearly unreadable, but that’s the problem; he’s so unreadable that it makes him more so. Make sense?”

Coulson’s head ticked slightly to the left, “That’s amazingly accurate, I guess I’ll skip the pleasantries then.” Natasha nodded marginally. “SHIELD has developed a reprogramming method that, if you undergo and it works, we can almost guarantee that you’ll be in the field within the next two months instead of waiting for the next six months to a year. You can begin to help people much sooner and maybe get some of that red out of your ledger.”

“Wait, what does this entail,” asked Clint, as he stared his friend down.                                                            

“From how I understand it, it’s several blood tests, MRIs, CT Scans, and then an electric shock from a new machine that they’ve developed to trigger the drug cocktail. This will help you to retrieve memories that have been forcibly removed, if possible, and enable you to differentiate between real memories and implanted ones. This treatment is designed to remove any triggers that have been implanted in the Red Room. What do you think?”

“Nat, you don’t have to do this. This hasn’t even been tested yet. They don’t know if it’s even going to work!” Clint was genuinely concerned. He didn’t like the idea of them experimenting on his new friend, especially since he felt she’d been experimented on enough.

Nat looked at the floor the minute that Clint had started talking. She weighed her options. She grabbed Clint’s hand and squeezed, as much for him as for her. She looked back and forth from Clint to Coulson, “Clint, who are they going to test it on?” Clint looked at her searchingly. “I’ll do it, but only if you two are there with me.”

 

Four and a Half Months Ago 

 

“So, how’d you like the lecture,” Bruce looked at Natasha. They were coming out of the Science building at NYU. Natasha was being Bruce’s bodyguard and was there for moral support.

“I kinda got lost after Hello.” She smiled teasingly at him.

“Oh, come on, I know you better than that. You understand way more than you let on.” He grabbed her and pulled her against him to keep her from getting trampled by several students in a hurry to get somewhere.

She smiled. “Honestly, what I did grasp was very interesting. I’m not sure I completely understood the practice and the math involved without a more extensive explanation, but I believe I at the very least understood the concept.” She paused and wrinkled an eyebrow, “Did that make sense?”

Bruce smiled, “Yes, it did. Let’s walk back home through the park. I’ll buy you an ice cream for being such a good sport.”

She wrapped her arm through his and smiled, “That sounds lovely.”

 

~*~

The next morning Tony met Bruce in the lab with an actual copy of the _Daily Bugle_ in hand. “Hey, Brucie, is there something you want to tell me?”

Bruce was looking into a microscope and not really paying Tony very much attention. “About what, Tony,” Bruce questioned.

Tony’s eyebrows wrinkled. “About yesterday, you know you and the Spider?”

“Yesterday,” Bruce sounded puzzled. “Yesterday?” He sounded even more puzzled.

“Yeah Bruce, you know that lecture you had? You took the Spider along for extra protection.”

“Oh, yeah!” One could almost see the light bulb hanging above Bruce’s head switch from off to on. “We went to the lecture, and then we walked home through the park, and I bought her an ice cream. What’s the big deal? We walk through the park all the time.”

Tony took this opportunity to sit the paper down in front of Bruce, headline reading ‘Hulk and Black Widow Together at Last?’ Beneath it was a cute picture of Bruce putting a stray hair behind Nat’s ear while she licked her ice cream.

“Oh, my God! Steve is going to kill me!”

The lab door opened and Steve walked in. “Bruce, I don’t know if you saw the headline in today’s paper or not, but everything’s gonna be okay.”

Tony chuckled. “And you thought he was gonna kill you.”

“What?” Steve exclaimed. “Bruce, why would I? That picture’s not your fault. If anything, it’s a really cute picture of you and Nat with both of your guards down. That never happens. You both look happy. It’s really adorable. I want a copy to get framed. I really like it…” Steve shrugged, “and she does, too.”

“Really,” Bruce asked. “She’s not mad or anything?”

“She said J. Jonah Jameson is a newspaper selling version of a used car salesman and, if people didn’t have the sense to know to ignore his dribble by now, then they should follow him right into the Kraken’s mouth and take all those other HYDRA assholes with them, then they could all live in ignorant bliss together in the acid bath of the snake’s belly.”

“Wow, Steve that was… Wow.” Bruce just looked at him.

“You repeated that verbatim, didn’t you?” Tony asked.

“How’d you guess?”

“She said about the same thing to Clint last week.”

“Well, there ya go.” Tony picked up the paper and looked at the picture again.

“You know Steve, If you really want the picture framed we can contact the Bugle for a copy. I don’t know the photographer but I can get Pepper to call Betty Brant and she can get us a number for…” Tony paused and checked the byline again. “Peter Parker.”

 

Nine Years Ago 

 

Phil, Clint, and Natasha were on board a QuinJet headed back from Morocco after completing a cake mission to meet up with the Helicarrier. Clint looked over at Natasha who was leaning with her head on her hands and her elbows on her knees.

“You ok?” Nat didn’t answer. Clint kneeled in front of Tasha and looked up at her face.  “Tash?”

She rocked her head up and smiled weakly at him, “I’m sorry, what Clint?” Her eyes looked glassy with pain.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Clint’s forehead wrinkled with worry. She was letting him get away with calling her sweetheart. That was never a good sign.

“Just a headache. I’ll be fine. Go help Coulson keep us in the sky.”

“Only if you promise to try and take a nap. It’ll be a few hours before we rendezvous. I’ll get you a blanket and a pillow.”

“If it’ll make you happy.”

“It would make me happy if you’d go to medical and get checked out when we get back, but I know you probably won’t, so please, try and take a nap.” He reclined one of the bench seats into a bed, put a pillow and a blanket on it and waited for Nat to move to lay down. “You want me to tuck you in, too?”

“Only if you read me a story.”

Clint smiled, blue eyes twinkling, “Nat, I love you, but I’m not reading you any Russian folklore. That shit’s creepy.” Nat smiled and closed her eyes.

“Americans,” she huffed. “Go fly the plane, Squab. I’ll try and take a nap.” Clint leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. She felt cold and a bit clammy. She shivered. “Hey, Clint? Could I get another blanket? I’m cold.”

“Of course.” He reached into the cabinet and grabbed another blanket, tucked it around her, and kissed her on the forehead, again. He always did that when he was worried. “You let me know if you need anything else, okay? You worry me. You know I don’t like it when you worry me.” He stroked her hair off her face.

He walked up to the front of the jet and looked at Coulson wearingly, “Her headaches are getting worse, not better. I’m worried.”

“Let’s see how she is when we get back and go from there. It probably wouldn’t hurt to get her checked out when we get back.”

Clint sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Why does every time I feel like I’ve done something right by her it blows up in my face? I thought I was getting her out of a mess and it only looks like I’ve made it ten times worse.”

“You haven’t made it worse, Squab.” Phil and Clint both jumped. “You tried, which is more than I can say for most people.” Nat had appeared from seemingly nowhere with a blanket still draped over her shoulders.  

“Tasha, you remain to be one of the few people who can sneak up on me and somehow, that doesn’t make it any less scary,” Phil smiled.

“It’s a good thing I’m on your side then.” said Nat, her Russian accent slipping in slightly. Her balance wavered slightly. Clint grabbed her and pulled her in his lap. She laid her head on his shoulder. “I will go to medical when we get back, but you have to go with me. I know it’s silly, but I don’t want to be by myself there.”

“It’s not silly at all, Natasha. We understand completely.” Phil smiled sadly and handed her a bottle of water sitting on the console. “We’ll fix this.” Natasha didn’t believe him, but it was a nice thought. “Clint, take her to the aft compartment and kill the lights, I’ll be fine up here, they can’t take the sky from me.”

 

Four Months Ago 

 

Clint stared at Coulson. He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard, “So they want to try reprogramming her again? Cause that was just a ball of laughs the first time around!”

Phil sighed, “Clint, please calm down. We’re just talking possibilities right now. We don’t know what we’re going to try.”

“Sir, I didn’t mean to upset anyone; it was just a suggestion.” Simmons looked upset. She didn’t understand what she had said that had brought on such a reaction from Barton, but she wished she hadn’t mentioned the reprogramming as an option.

“Jemma, I know you didn’t.” Phil rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know how to explain this to people who weren’t there.”

“It’s easy, Phil. It was a god damned nightmare!”

“Clint,” Steve said sharply.

“No, Cap. Clint’s right.. It was awful, and it broke my heart just as much as it broke his, maybe even more. Reprogramming is a last option. None of us need to go through that again, needless of all Natasha.”

“Since no one else is going to ask the question, I am. What happened that was so awful,” Tony asked.

Clint and Phil’s jaws both set and they both eerily took deep breaths at the same time. Clint spoke first, “Stark, have you ever watched your best friend go through torture? Torture that already happened to her. You know there's nothing you could do to help her, then realize that she was reliving it just so she could flush out what was real and what wasn’t, but in the end it didn’t matter one God. Damned. Bit." He took a breath before continuing, "Because she still remembered everything. She still had the same feelings those bastards implanted in her? Only this time, _this time_ , she’s having to relive it over and over again and the way they’re bringing back all these memories is through a drug cocktail that only works by electrocuting the shit out of her?  I let her go through it. Yeah, I was in the room with her, but I let her do it… and worse yet, I didn’t even try to stop the med guys when I saw what it was doing to her. I thought it was for the best. That is one of the worst mistakes of my life, and I am the king of terrible mistakes. So tell me now, why the _fuck_ do you think I would _ever_ be okay with this plan?”

Coulson was staring into nothing when he started speaking, “There was nothing we could do, after the procedure had started it was far too dangerous to interrupt the process. To abort the procedure would have meant certain death.  After an eternity the machine powered down, I went over to Tasha, and I picked up her up and held her to my chest. Do you know what she said?” Coulson paused for a moment, almost afraid of what he was about to say, “She stared blankly forward and said, ‘awaiting orders’. She said it so calmly. Just… just like a student reciting a definition by rote—like she hadn’t just been screaming on the table seconds before with a bit in her mouth. They put a God damned _bit_ in her mouth to keep her from biting her tongue. All I could do was hold her as tight as I could and try not to hurt her anymore.”

A tear ran down Coulson’s face, he cleared his throat and wiped the tear away. “When she said, ‘Awaiting Orders,’ I sat down on the floor with her head against my chest and held her as tightly as I could. Everything we had just put her through was for nothing. I told her that she didn’t have to do what people just told her to do anymore, that she had choices. It was up to her to decide right from wrong. I told her she had a family with me and Clint, we would make her safe, no matter what. I haven't made her safe, but I’m going to.... Please, help me. Please...”

Jemma looked horrified. She wished she had known all this before; she never would have suggested the reprogramming. It sounded truly awful.

“You know, that’s not true. You have made me feel safe. And I don’t blame you, either one of you. We took a chance, and it only kind’ve worked. It happens.”

Bruce walked away from the table and was preparing Tasha’s next dose of medicine the moment he heard her speak.

“Can we put a bell on you,” Tony asked.

“Clint, why don’t you explain to Stark what happens when you put a bell on me,” Tasha grinned, an actual real grin. Clint felt better just by seeing it.

“It doesn’t ring, doesn’t jingle, barely moves. It doesn’t make any sound whatsoever. I tried once, just to see what would happen,”

“Cause you were bored,” Natasha interrupted smiling as she sat across Steve’s lap. Bruce approached her with the dose and she ducked her head while Steve moved her hair out of the way. When Bruce was done he wiped the area and put a Band-Aid on it. She and Steve both smiled up at Bruce and whispered ‘Thank you’. Steve tucked the blanket she had around her shoulders more tightly around her and put his chin on her head.

“Okay, Ass, ’cause I was bored. Anyway, I bet that HYDRA scum Ward into sparing with Nat and her bell, if it jingled, I would cover his next two shifts, if not, he’d have to cover our shifts for the weekend so we could go… somewhere.”

“Where,” Tony asked. Nat just smirked.

“Fine, to a Renaissance Faire so I could enter the archery tournament. That’s totally not the point. So Mr. Big and Bad goes up to dear ol’ sweet Nat thinking he’s got this in the bag. I even let him pick out the bell, mind you. Well, she plays him like a harp from Hell, ’cause she’s the Black Widow and that’s what she does. Come fight time nearly everyone on base has found out about it, and they want to see if she can do it or not.”

“Well,” Daisy spoke up. This was the first time she had really said anything. She’d mostly been quiet since she’d arrived, helping Jemma and Phil whenever they needed her and in whatever capacity.

“Okay, so you know Nat’s famous thigh move?” Around the table came a chorus of nods and yeahs. “She did that to Ward, and the damn thing didn’t make a noise. May won five hundred bucks in the pool for that.”

“Okay, I get it, no bell for the Russian.” Tony stood up and walked next to Nat and Cap. He ran his fingers through her hair. “You feeling better, kid? ’Cause if you’re not soon, I know another redhead who’s gonna kick my ass if she doesn’t get her girlfriend back in one piece. Apparently, she owes you dinner and a movie and wants to pay up while it’s slow season in the corporate ’verse.”

Nat smiled wanly, “Tell her I’ll be ready when she is.”

Tony leaned over and kissed her on her forehead. “I’ll do that.”

“Hey, I miss my walking buddy. We gotta get you fixed. I’ll be down here if you need me. Let me know okay? Steve doesn’t have to monopolize all your time.” Bruce smiled and stroked her cheek.  He looked up at Steve, “Seriously, let me know if you need me.” Steve nodded. Jemma left with Bruce.

Daisy turned to Natasha, “There has to be a trick; how did you do it?”

“I’m proud, Phil, you found one that asks the right questions,” Nat smiled.

“Daisy, there’s no trick, Natasha is just that good,” Clint replied. By this point, Nat is smiling slightly but has her eyes closed and is comfortably lying in Steve’s arms, breathing evenly. For the moment all was right with the world.

 

Present Day 

 

“I really don’t know why you think I’m going to tell you anything. I haven’t told you anything yet; why would I start now,” Natasha wheezed. She was fairly certain she had at least three broken ribs, a fractured humerus, possibly some bruised internal organs, and copious amounts of bruises on top of bruises from the previous beatings. Natasha had been strung up in the middle of the room. She was just high enough so her toes could barely touch the floor, but couldn’t gain any purchase. Added to that they were chained to a hook in the floor. She was barefoot and the clothing she was wearing when they brought her in hung off her beaten body in tatters. Over the last month she had been electrocuted, water boarded, drugged, starved, and beaten multiple times, some methods more effective than others, but HYDRA still hadn’t managed in getting any real information out of her. She was kind of proud of herself, all things considered. She didn’t think she was going to get out of this situation, but she didn’t want to drag anyone else down with her. The guard came in to give her the daily water, which she drank. It was probably drugged but if she didn't drink it they would just hook her up to an IV. Maybe they’d miscalculate and overdose her. She suddenly thought she saw movement and a silver glimmer behind the guard’s body before sleep found her.

 

Eight years ago 

 

They barely made it back to the QuinJet before take off. Nat and Phil weren’t even wearing seatbelts. Clint just had the top straps fastened haphazardly at best. As soon as it was safe, Clint activated the autopilot and the QuinJet plotted the fasted course to their rendezvous with the Helicarrier. He reached behind him to take off and store his bow and quiver. Nat hadn’t moved from the space she stood. Her eyes and her face were vacant. She looked as if she was staring at something on the floor. Clint and Phil exchanged looks.

“Nat? You okay?” Clint walked over to her.

She glanced up to Clint and then to Phil and very slightly shook her head no.

“What’s wrong? Is your head...” Phil trailed off. She nearly imperceptibly nodded yes. “Clint, help strip her. Tasha, you’re gonna lie with me on the cot, okay?” She didn’t move.

“Tasha, are you okay with that?” She nodded yes again. Phil laid the seat down into a cot and grabbed pillows and blankets. Clint got her weapons and tac suit off of her and changed her into SHIELD clothes she brought on board. Phil changed into his as well.

“Nat, go ahead and lie down and let me check in with the HeliCarrier and make sure everything’s okay.” Clint ran his fingers thru her hair. “Try and get some sleep, okay?” She barely nodded again and sat down on the cot, still looking at the floor.

Phil and Clint went to the front of the Jet. Clint glared at Phil. “I know, Clint. I know. I’m sending medical a message now. I’m telling them that you can respond to all questions concerning her if they need anything. They were supposed to be working on something to help these headaches. Let’s hope they have something before we get back.”   

When Phil got back to Nat, she was still sitting the same position; her hair had fallen into her face, however. Phil closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and slowly let it out.

“Nat, care if I join you?” She slightly shook her head. Phil grabbed a bunch more pillows and piled them up on the cot. He crawled around her and adjusted the pillows a bit, making a nest and laid down. Natasha instinctively crawled over to him. She put her head on his chest. Within minutes her posture became lax, her breathing even, and she went to sleep. Phil breathed a sigh of relief. When they got back to the carrier, Phil insisted that they stay on the Jet until Nat woke up on her own. When Nat woke up six hours later, she just had a small headache. From there on out, whenever she felt one of those kinds of headaches coming on, Phil would find her. Eventually, SHIELD came up with a treatment to go along with the headaches, but Phil was always her first choice and if she could, she’d take both.  

 

Present Day 

 

“Steve, your cell phone’s ringing,” Daisy said yawning as she handed it to him over her breakfast.

“Thanks.” He wiped his hands off and answered his phone.

“Hello?”

“Steve?” The voice on the line sounded so familiar, but Steve just couldn’t place it.

“Yes, this is he.”

The voice took an uncomfortable swallow, “This is Bucky.”

“Bucky! Where are you? What have you been doing? Are you okay?”

“You have to calm down. Natalia’s life is in danger, HYDRA has her. I stumbled on her while reconing a base I had scheduled for demolition. I’m sending you all the information and where to meet me. You have to move fast. I’m not sure how much longer she can take it. I couldn’t even recognize her on the security footage. Hurry. I can’t do this alone.” The line went dead.

“J.A.R.V.I.S., where’s Tony?”

“He’s in his lab, sir. He’s coming to meet you now. Mr. Stark wishes that everyone would please meet him in the War Room.”

~*~

 

“So, it appears that Bucky called and emailed us detailed instructions on where Nat is and what’s being done where she’s being held. Now, playing devil’s advocate, are we sure that it was him who called,” Phil asked.

“His voice print does match previous records, sir,” J.A.R.V.I.S.’s disembodied voice answered.

“Okay, people, let’s get everything we can together and come up with a plan of attack. Daisy, see if you can get a trace on that phone call. I realize that Barnes has probably put it through the ringer if he’s had any sort of training like Tasha’s had, but maybe it won’t be too hard to track where he called from to verify. Bruce, Jemma, we know she’s injured, just because she heals faster than most doesn’t means that everything has healed the way it was supposed to have. Pack way more medical supplies then you think you would ever need. Who knows, the rest of us may need them. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Jemma you stay here and have the medbay ready. Let Pepper know if you need anything or think you're going to need anything. She'll make it happen. Bruce, you’re with us. Tony, if you’ve come up with any new toys to use, I wouldn’t be against it. Steve, get together with Clint and start strategizing. I’m gonna get the rest of my team together on this, and I’ll come help you in a bit. Let’s get a move on people!”

 

~*~

 

“So, if this is where she is, we go get her. The logic really isn’t that hard,” Tony was exasperated by this point. He couldn’t seem to understand why they hadn’t left yet.

“It’s not that easy, Tony. If we just go in there guns blazing, they could just kill her before we get to her, if Barnes was right it wouldn't take much. We have to do this right.” Clint said this while looking at a map of the facility. “You know, she hates Russia. She’d rather be somewhere warm. They made her do awful things in Russia. It’s really not fair…” Clint’s voice dropped off at the end. Tony reached over and patted Clint on the back.

“Hey, now, she’s fine.” Tony grabbed the blond man and brought him in for a hug. “She’s stronger than any of us. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if when we got there she was walking outside to greet us.

“If something bad happens to her, I… I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I haven’t even told Laura she was missing. I wanted to know something for sure, you know?” Clint ran his hand over her face, “She’s my best friend. I never thought she was HYDRA. Not after everything she went through with Red Room. Hell, not everything she’s gone through period. She’s really had a shit life, you know that. I was her first real friend. Do you have any idea what that means to me,” Clint sniffled against Tony’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Tony said quietly. “I didn’t mean to make everything so fucked up… Aw, hell.”

Clint squeezed him. “I think you need this hug just as much as I do, Shellhead,” Clint said smiling. “I don’t blame you, it was the logical conclusion that you could come to. And, I’m not stupid. I know I’m gonna have blinders on when it comes to Nat, but… she’s a better person than she was fifteen years ago…” Clint trailed off. “Holy Shit.” Clint let go of Tony and took off running toward Nat’s room.

“Clint! Where are you…?” Tony was chasing him. Clint was already inside by the time Tony got there. “Okay there Link, what do you think Zelda has?”

Clint had slid under Nat’s bed and was looking at what Tony could only determine was one of the feet to the headboard. He pulled out a StarkPad that had been plugged into the wall. Clint ran his fingers over the pad bringing it to life. He immediately saw the encrypted files. He handed the pad up to Tony, “How about we read this and let’s go from there?”

Everyone had gathered in the meeting room to see what was on the pad. The files were easy for J.A.R.V.I.S. to break. The pad contained several text files and one video file. Tony opened the video one first.

Nat popped up on screen with a black eye and a busted lip. “Hey guys, if you’re watching this, that means that something I said finally clicked in Clint’s brain, and he decided to go look in the right hiding place.” She smiled sadly. “I really don’t know how this mission is gonna go, but, needless to say, if you’ve found this, it probably didn’t go as well as I would’ve liked.” She shrugged slightly. "No, I did not betray your secrets. I’ve included on this device a copy of what I actually did give HYDRA and since you already know what the real secrets are, I didn’t think it necessary to include those as well. I wasn’t given much of a choice to do this. I was trying to protect you, all of you, and this seemed to be the best way at the time. I’ve been sending encrypted intel to J.A.R.V.I.S. and to Coulson; they just may not have figured out what it is yet. Odds are now that you’re watching this, J.A.R.V.I.S. has already begun trying to decrypt what I’ve sent him though.” She smiled. “I promise, I did this because I thought that it was the safest course of action at the time. I didn’t want any of you to get hurt, especially since they were going to use you to try and get me to conform to their… way of thinking. So, yeah, guys, I love you. You’re my family—the only true family I’ve ever really known. I’d do anything for you. I just want you safe. Please, please, please,” a tear fell down her right cheek, “stay that way and don’t try and save me. I’ll come back to you as soon as I can. After all, I always have an exit strategy. Sometimes, you just don’t think it’s a very good one. Please, stay safe.” The video ended. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room. Pepper had tears rolling down her face.

Bruce spoke up first, “When are we going to get her?”

Within hours, they were on their way to Russia. According to Bucky’s information and the files that J.A.R.V.I.S. had decrypted that Nat sent, she had been taken to a very secluded area in the middle of the forest in Far East Siberia. Bucky had even included good locations to park the SHIELD Quinjet and the StarkJet a few miles from the base they were infiltrating. Bucky sent them coordinates to a cave that wasn’t far from either but offered perfect cover against the snow and where they could hide without being obvious. Due to the layout of the cave system, any fire that they had going caused the smoke to float to the top of the cave and escape out through the back of the cave system despite the weather. Both Bucky and Nat had tried this out numerous times while in training sessions for the Red Room, and found it was indeed a good place to hide from the cold. The team arrived at the mouth at the cave, which was hidden behind rocks and snow.

“Well, I guess this is it,” Tony looked at the coordinates.

“Most of you aren’t very quiet at all. You should have Natalia give you lessons. You three,” Bucky pointed to May, Clint, and Coulson, “aren’t bad.”

“We’ve had lessons,” Clint smiled wanly, “now where is she?”

“Let’s go inside.” They warily followed him in. He already had a fire going. “I had hoped you would have been here earlier.”

“Bucky, I hate to waste time, but what is going on? Why are you helping now? How did you know Natasha’s name used to be Natalia,” Steve wanted to keep asking questions, but thought better of it.

“She was here when I was. I helped train her. She was Natalia then. She was… she was my friend. At least, she was until they erased her. I remember her now. I’ve shot her twice. Twice! Because I didn’t remember her. She was the only one who was ever kind to me here. I’m not going to let them destroy her because they think she’s theirs. She’s not.” Bucky gritted his teeth. He looked away and cleared his throat. He laid out papers on a rock in the cave that was almost table height. The papers had the schematics to the building on them. “This is what I think we should do.”

“I just want to point out that this base doesn’t look like much of anything,” Tony said unimpressed.

“That’s because most of it is underground,” Bucky responded evenly.

“Don’t want your charges escaping easily, huh,” Daisy asked.

“Most astute,” May answered.

“Is this a master spy thing? Is the creepy even tone something they teach you in spy school,” Tony looked from Bucky to Phil to May and then to Clint.

“I don’t know how the Americans do it, but the Russians literally beat it into you,” Bucky had stopped staring at the base and looked at Stark.

“Yes, you do learn it in spy school, Tony. No, the Americans don’t beat it into you, Bucky. Though, yes, Tony, I was aware of many of the Russian practices none of which I agree with. Now, stop making me feel exasperated before we even save Tasha.” Phil caught eyes with Steve, who hadn’t said a whole lot since they’d heard from Bucky. He’d mostly just ground his teeth. “Steve, you okay?”

“I will be after.”

“I think we all will be.” The guards began to shuffle and look at their watches more often. “Well, it looks like we’re about ready for business. Everyone, know what to do?” The team all nodded.

“Good, let’s go save our friend.”

Once everyone was in position. Tony and Bruce were outside in case they needed a diversion and they didn’t need a Hulk in a mostly underground base. They sneaked in through a less-guarded entrance at guard change. May went with Daisy to the server room. She stood guard while Daisy gained entrance into the computers and security cameras. Clint, Phil, Steve, and Bucky made their way toward where Bucky had last seen Natasha.

“She’s being held on U2 room 252, according to what the computers say. It looks like they’ve been testing some sort of new memory suppressants on her…”

“Anything else, Daisy,” Coulson shivered. He was afraid of how she would be when he found her. He didn’t want to put her through all of the memory retrieval again. It was bad enough the first time. He still sometimes had nightmares about it.

“It doesn’t seem like they’ve been working or at least working very well. She’s scheduled to try some sort of new memory rewrite. Kinda like the reverse of the machine we have at base if I’m following all this science… stuff.”

“When, Daisy,” Coulson asked urgently as he and Clint moved through the corridors.

“Um… now. It looks like now. U3 room 333. I’m going to see if I can work magic with the security cameras so maybe you can slip by faster.”

“We need a diversion and soon. Stark, ideas?

“I’m on it… What to blow up first…”

 

~*~

 

“I hate elevators.”

“We know, Clint,” Phil responded.

“Why do they have escape hatches if they’re locked?”

“To keep crazy people from using them,” answered Phil.

“And if you’re stuck on the elevator, what then?”

“You’re supposed to sit tight until the repairman gets there.”

“That is not a good answer. It could be hours.”

“Is he always this talkative on missions,” Bucky asked while stepping out from the elevator. “Clear.”

“Usually he talks to Nat.”

“Who tells him to shut up,” May said over the comm.

Steve chuckled, “Not always, sometimes she lets him go on and on. I think it’s just to see what he’s gonna say next.”

“You’re just mad because Nat appreciates my humour.”

“Is that what you’re calling it now, Barton,” May said dryly.

“Just because you don’t appreciate it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.”

Phil took a deep breath, “Steve, you and Barnes go right, Clint and I’ll go left.” They nodded.

As they made their way down the hall, they heard screaming, they doubled their pace and opened the door and found four guards holding someone down on a medical table. She had been strapped down and had cuts, scrapes, and bruises of various colourations over what they could see of her face, arms, hands, and legs. They could only tell it was Natasha by what was left of her clothes and her hair. The table was connected to a machine which was similar to a CT machine. Her head and the top part of her shoulders were in it. Before any of the guards could draw their weapons, Clint and Phil shot them. The scientist, who was off to the side, was reaching for his gun when Clint grabbed his arm and dislocated it. He picked up the scientist’s weapon and put it out of reach.

Phil switched off the machine and unstrapped Nat. “Nat? Natasha?”

“Awaiting Orders,” she responded quietly, a blank look upon her face.

“It did work,” the scientist said proudly.

“What worked? What did you do to her,” Clint asked angrily. Steve and Bucky came through the door.

“We re-engineered her brain. She no longer has her memories and she is a blank slate. She is the Black Widow again,” the scientist exclaimed gleefully. Steve looked in horror at the scientist.

“Awaiting orders,” she repeated.

Phil picked Nat up off of the table and put her in his lap. He stroked her hair. Her head against his heartbeat, “Natasha, you don’t have to do whatever anyone else tells you to do. You just have to do what you think is right. You have a choice. You have your memories. They might have been buried, but you do have them. You just have to want to have them.” Phil didn’t know why he was saying this, he just hoped he was right. He vaguely remembered something Fitz had said once about the brain never losing its memories, just forgetting how to retrieve them. “Natasha, please want to remember. Please.” Natasha closed her swollen eyes. Her body relaxed. “Natasha?” Phil felt for a pulse.

Bruce came scrambling through the door followed by Tony. Bruce leaned down and clipped a device to her wrist. A green light on the bracelet started blinking and he pulled out his StarkPad . “She’s just unconscious. We need to get her back to the Tower. I’m sending Jemma details on her injuries now. We need to download as much data as we possibly can so we can maybe get an idea of what that bastard did to her.” He glared at the scientist, who was still looking around the world in glee. Bruce's vision blurred for a moment, when it cleared the scientist was unconscious against the far wall, his right arm tinged green.

“Doing it now, Bruce,” Daisy answered.  

It was decided that May would stay behind with Daisy and lead cleanup on the HYDRA location. More SHIELD agents came to help. Daisy created an uplink to J.A.R.V.I.S. so they could view all the information the HYDRA base had to offer.

Tony flew back to the StarkJet and brought it back to the HYDRA base where they loaded an unconscious Widow onto the Jet. They agreed that if Phil speaking to her soothingly and Natasha listening to his heartbeat helped before, then maybe it would help this time. They put a blanket over her. They tried to make her as comfortable as they could. The entire trip home, Steve and Clint both sat by helplessly. Phil looked back at them, looking just as helpless. They all took turns talking to her. Clint and Phil chatted about old missions. Steve talked about their trips to museums, her trying to set him up on dates, and eventually their dates. Bruce spoke with her about their adventures in the park.

After what felt like years, they reached the Tower. Jemma and Pepper were waiting for them when they got off the Jet. Jemma had already warned Pepper of Natasha’s health status, but Pepper couldn’t stop herself from gasping. Steve carried Nat down to medical, as he was putting her on the medical bed, she took a ragged breath in, “You smell good, Soldier.”

He looked up from Nat to the others, and smiled, tears filling his eyes,“Is that so?”

“Yup. Any chance I could talk you into washing my back? I don’t think I can reach it, or move my arm.” She smiled tiredly at him. “I guess from your lack of response, that means Bruce said no?”

“Actually, I hadn’t said anything yet.” Bruce walked over and stood next to Natasha. “How you feeling?”

“My answer depends on if I get a shower or not.”

“I’ll make you a deal, let us check you out, patch you up, and after that, your can do what you want.””

“If it will make you stop worrying, fine.” She laughed weakly, “I know, you never stop worrying.”

Steve looked down at her and smiled, “I gotta make sure no one steals my best girl.”

“I don’t think that’s a problem right now… or ever.”

“I missed you,” Steve said quietly, hugging her to his chest.

“I missed you, too”

 

Eight days later

 

Steve was standing with Nat in the shower with water even hotter than he usually had it, and it was usually scalding when he showered.

“You have no idea how awesome this is,” Nat moaned as Steve gently scrubbed her scalp.

“I’ve got a pretty good idea.” Steve said. Nat hissed when he came across a tender spot. “Ooh, you’ve still got a helluva goose egg right here.”

“Thanks, Steve. I never would have known if you haven’t told me.” Steve leaned over and kissed her nose. Steve’s smile faltered as he looked down at her legs, both encased to the thigh in StarkTech support casts

“I see you still have that snarkiness I love.” She furrowed her eyebrows at him. “Rinse.” She closed her eyes and put her head under the water to rinse the shampoo out. Then onto conditioner. By the time they were finished with the shower, Nat could barely keep her eyes open. Steve set her down on the end of the bed and helped her get dressed. He wrapped her in a blanket, picked her up, and carried her back down to the lab, where everyone was waiting

“What happened,” Clint asked concerned.

Steve smiled, “I think she’s just exhausted.” He laid her down on one of the med beds and covered her up. She briefly opened her eyes and smiled up at him before wiggling and immediately falling back to sleep. He leaned over and kissed her forehead.

“So, what can you tell us about her wounds,” Tony asked Bruce.

Bruce sighed, “The cuts and bruises are healing nicely. Her arms, ribs and hands are still painful but usable. Her legs, I’m still not sure, the surgery was successful but we are still waiting to see if they will heal correctly. If it wasn’t for the serum in her veins she would definitely need a kidney transplant, we are assisting them now with dialysis, but there is no way to tell. Her lungs on the other hand are healing nicely, they should be back to full capacity within a week. Jemma was correct, her spine was not broken, only fractured, and should heal fine if she spends four to six hours a day in the brace, in addition to sleeping in it.  Whoever did this was more concerned about inflicting pain than extracting information.”

“Once they discovered the information she gave them was false, they probably didn’t care if they extracted anything from her, they most likely planned to get it out of us. She must of thought she’d be able to get out of there before that happened, but… Well, that didn’t happen, did it?” Clint sighed. “Is there any more news on what they were trying to do?”

Simmons looked up from her computer screen, “From what it looks like, they were trying to make the perfect super soldier and were testing the product out on her since she already has some of the traits to begin with. I think they were trying to improve upon them.”

“Did it work,” Phil asked.

“Won’t know until we run further tests. She’s still dehydrated. We need to start her back on a saline drip and antibiotics wouldn’t be a bad plan either,” Bruce looked at Clint.

“All right. I’ll tell her.” Clint walked over to Nat. “Nat.” He ran a hand over her cheek. She opened her eyes. “They want to run an IV again.” Nat gave him a dirty look. “I know, you hate IVs, but you’re dehydrated, and you need some antibiotics to give your system a jump start. Some pain meds would help you heal faster, too, and I know you want to heal faster since you hate being down here. You okay with that?” Nat nodded once. “Okay, Bruce is gonna get you a line in.” Nat closed her eyes and stuck her tongue out at him. He chuckled. “I missed you, too.” He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.

“How did you manage that,” Jemma asked incredulously. “I’ve heard the SHIELD medics and doctors talk about what a nightmare she is to deal with.

“That’s because you have to be straight with her. Don’t beat around the bush; just come out and say it. She’ll trust you a whole lot quicker, too.” Bruce came over and started the IV line.

“I hate IVs,” Natasha grumbled, not opening her eyes.

“I know you do, but that’s why you’re gonna hurry up and get better so you don’t need one. Besides, wouldn’t it be nice just to take a nap and not have to hear Tony’s grumbling?” Natasha smiled slightly at that. “Uh huh, that’s what I thought.” All the while he’d been talking, he had been putting the IV in. “We’re gonna run some more tests. We’ll try not to jostle you more than we have to, okay?” Natasha signed okay.

 

 

Three days later

 

Phil was sitting at the library desk Tony had told him he was more than welcome to work at while he was in the Tower.

“Sir, you have a communication from Agent May.”

“Thank you, J.A.R.V.I.S. Put her through, please.” May blinked on the screen in the front of the room.

“What’d you find out,” Phil asked May.

“It looks like they were going to use her to infiltrate the Avengers as a mole for HYDRA. They’ve been trying to break her for the last three months. Check and make sure it didn’t take.”

“Bruce and I already thought it was a possibility. We’ve been watching her. J.A.R.V.I.S. is watching her. It’s gonna be a while before she’s permitted out and about. You saw her injuries, it’ll be a few months at least.”

“And after that?”

“One day at a time like we do with everyone else.”

“Okay Phil... Watch your back.”

“I always do.” May cut communication.

“You know, she’s right. You should watch me. You definitely shouldn’t trust me.” Natasha sneaked from around a bookcase. She came and sat on the couch, some of her hair fell over her still swollen face. He walked over and sat down next to her. He reached up and put her fallen hair behind her ear.

“Tasha, what do you remember?”

“I told Hulk that the men were going to take me, just to let them, because I knew.” She drew her knees up as close to her chest as they would allow. Her hands jumped a bit as they wrapped around the cold metal casts still on her legs. “Some of my informants had heard whispering about what HYDRA was planning to do for months. They weren’t going to give me a choice. So, I thought I could buy some time if I gave them false information about Steve and Bruce’s formulas and if I did enough poking around here and there, that maybe I could have raised enough suspicion that when I was taken, it’d look like I was a traitor when they sent me back. Then, I wouldn’t be so hard to stop. Just in case you figured out the truth, I put the StarkPad under the bed and I sent the encrypted messages. I didn’t want you to think badly of me forever.” She smiled wanly. “I guess it worked. Tony suspected me, just like I planned. I even had J.A.R.V.I.S. in on it, making sure he found the info bit by bit like he was supposed to. So, I guess, all in all, my plan worked.”

“Tasha, that’s…” Phil looked at her. His heart breaking, “Why didn’t you say anything? We could have done something?”

Nat snorted, “Like what? There was nothing to be done. If I hadn’t done it this way, then they just would have found another, and you wouldn’t have been prepared for it. I could have hurt one of you. This… This was for the best.”

“You know I absolutely hate it when you use yourself as bait.”

“Think of it as a honey trap with no sexual connotation, just me.”

Phil grimaced, “Somehow, that’s worse.”

“Can’t help what I’m good at.” She kinked her head sideways.

“What happened after they grabbed you?”

“I’m pretty sure they thought I didn’t know it was coming. I tried to make sure they did it out of Hulk’s line of sight. Anyway, they attacked, I put up a convincing enough of a struggle and they knocked me out with some drug. I woke up at the base. From there, it was the whole ‘tell me what you know’ routine. After about a month and a half after being beat and tortured, I told them about Bruce’s and Steve’s faux formulas. That got me off the hook for about two weeks and let me heal up a bit. Then they started beating me again and trying different formulas on me to see what they would do. If anything, I think my formula burned through most of whatever they poked me with. I started fighting back just to keep things interesting.” Nat smirked. “Always did hate being bored. Also helped that I killed and maimed a fair share of HYDRA minions. I thought the longer I kept them busy, the longer they’d be away from you. It seemed to work. I didn’t expect you to come for me. I really thought they’d eventually get tired of me and just put me out of their misery. Then one of the scientists apparently worked for SHIELD and basically reverse engineered the debrainwashing machine. When you rescued me that was their third attempt. So, when I say for you to watch me, I mean for you to watch me. Please. _Please_.”

“Tasha, we are watching you. I really do think that you’re done with this part of your life. I think that you can make decisions for yourself. You are a grownup after all.” Phil smiled warily.

“Just don’t let me hurt anyone. Please stop me.” Nat leaned over and grabbed his hand, “And I mean by any means necessary.”

 

Two Weeks Later 

 

“Are you sure you’re supposed to be in the gym already,” May asked.

 

“Probably not, but then again, I’m not supposed to do a lot of things.” Nat continued wailing on the punching bag. “I heard what you told Coulson, about watching me.” May started to speak, “No, it was really good advice. You shouldn’t trust me.” Nat hit the bag extra hard, “ever, again.” She hit it harder. “I don’t know if any of it took or not and here’s the kicker, Melly,” she stopped hitting the bag to face May, “I can’t really leave because I don’t know if those HYDRA bastards will try this bullshit again and I can’t stay here because I can’t even trust myself with my own friends.” Nat felt tears stinging her eyes.  Nat turned around and started beating the bag again. This time even more ferociously than before. Nat’s tears began to fall, something Melinda May had seen only a few times throughout their friendship. “It’s just not fair. I finally had my life put together enough so I could have friends, a boyfriend—the whole deal. Now, I’ve gone and made a mess of things… again.” Nat collapsed on the floor in a fit of tears.

May went to sit by her on the floor and gathered her up as best she could in her arms while still being able to look at her face, “Natty, honey, we’ve been watching every move you make. We know when you go to the bathroom for God’s sake. The only sign of trust issues you’ve been showing are to yourself. I trust you more than you trust yourself, and you know how wary I am. I learned from the best.” May tucked a stray hair behind Nat’s ear. “We’ve gone through all the notes on the programming, HYDRA doesn’t even think that it took. If that last time didn’t take, they were going to take you out behind the chemical shed and shoot you.”

“Kinda wish they had.” May looked at her. Nat shrugged, “At least then I wouldn’t be worrying about trusting myself.” Nat sighed and looked at the floor, “You know, Bruce made me go for a walk with him in the park the yesterday. I spent the entire time jumping at shadows. Clint followed us. I think he needs a refresher course. I knew he was there the whole time. I mean if they want to use me as bait, fine. It’s not like it’d be the first time. I just wish they would have said something, then at least maybe I could have pretended to be decent bait for them.”

Clint jumped out of the vent, “You think that’s what that was about? Nat, we want our friend back. You’re not you. You’re so scared you’re gonna hurt one of us, it’s killing us. All of us. We just want you safe and happy. We’re not using you as bait. We just thought that maybe getting out of the Tower would be good for you. I just tagged behind in case there was trouble. We love you. Why do you think half of SHIELD went and got you?” Clint plopped down beside them. “You’re not gonna hurt us. You heard what Mel just said, the brainwashing didn’t take. Now would you please wake up and act like you, again? Some of us miss the snarky you.” He leaned forward and kissed her on the head. “Now, if you’re done wallowing, Cap should have some pancakes and bacon ready by now.” As he was leaving, he heard Mel and Nat talking.

“Hear him in the vent?” May asked.

“Smelled his aftershave,” Nat replied. Clint smiled. All would be right with the world yet.


End file.
